How to Ask a Girl on Tinder What She Wants

If you want to know what a girl wants from Tinder just be direct and ask her. Most girls will be upfront and let you know what they are looking for on the app. If you are on Tinder for the same reason keep the conversation going, otherwise keep swiping.

I always recommend EHarmony over Tinder to men and women searching for a relationship. This website requires its members to take an extensive personality test and will recommend them their perfect match based on the results. It’s incredibly effective, as proven by the fact that eHarmony is more responsible for more marriages in the United States than any other dating app.

If you feel insecure about straight-up asking why she is on Tinder, don’t worry, there are ways around it.

Study Her Profile

The first step is to take some time to check her profile. Give it a glance. No. Give it a proper read. Don’t send her a message immediately after you get matched. Take a minute or five to check her profile.

Study her pictures and try to get an idea about her. Where is the picture taken? What time does it look like? What’s she wearing? How’s her makeup?

These are subtle things that’ll give you a hint about who she might be. While it is possible to misinterpret, you should probably be able to rely on your instinct. Once you try to understand the personality, you can plan your messaging style.

Let’s say one of her pictures shows her holding a book or standing in front of a library. You wouldn’t really want to risk by texting her in SMS lingo or butchered English, right? Now, if you recognize that the girl is holding a book you can ask something interesting about that.

Do Not Be Creepy

No one wants to sound creepy when chatting with a girl on Tinder. But do you know that some of your texts exactly sound that way? Whether you are complimenting her (a little too much) or getting directly to sex talk, you are, in all probability, giving her some bad vibes. The aim here is to know what she wants from Tinder, not assume she’s looking for a hookup, and get started from the first text.

Also, don’t go on asking too many questions. Yes, you want to know her interests to plan the next moves. But that doesn’t mean you should send her a questionnaire or make it appear like an interrogation. It is not an interview either.

You might have a personal checklist to tick so that you can understand what she is actually looking for on Tinder. Still, don’t keep firing those question bullets at her.

A Meaningful Conversation is a Mix of Topics

Unless both of you are really into something, you don’t have to drag a conversation in the same direction. Talk about a range of topics to see what your common interests are. How do you get started with that?

You could pop a random question by asking her to choose between two things. Pick food, wine, sports, books, locations, music, movies, or anything. Keep it light and fun yet interesting. A bit of humor goes a long way.

You can also try challenging her to something silly. Make sure to get the tone right, though. Emojis are there to help anyway.

Okay, that sounds good. But how would you know which topics to choose?

That’s why going through her profile is important. Her bio and pictures would have something to start off with. You can go on to check her Instagram profile for a better idea.

What if she doesn’t have a bio?

Well, try to come up with something based on the pictures. If there is a picture of her on a beach with a surfboard, you can challenge her to surf with you. Better yet, you can ask her to teach you how to surf.

You aren’t just talking about something she likes but is also extending an invitation to meet up without being too straightforward.

Be Attentive and Remember her Preferences

People usually let out tiny bits of information about themselves when they talk. You’ve got to be alert to notice them. If during a conversation she says something about not liking a certain place, keep that in mind.

Try to get her to reveal the reason. Be subtle. Guess the reason, but don’t ask her to confirm. You do not want to put pressure on her when it comes to revealing something about herself. If you have been conversing for a while you can suggest a place based on her preferences.

Don’t Decide the Date on Her Behalf

Let her decide if and when she wants to meet you. You just suggest a place to meet up and let her respond. If she mentions a day that’s too far away, chances are that she is not sure about meeting you. Or she could be super busy at work or at school. Don’t push for a closer date to meet up. Maybe she is really busy. If the time doesn’t work out for you either, you can obviously mention it. Simply saying, ‘I can’t make it then’ might look like you are disappointed and sulking (even if you are, don’t let her sense it). Suggest a day that’s in the same range as hers. If she picks a day after a month, keep your suggestion around that period.

Do Your Background Work

A deal-breaker question, a challenge, a guessing game, or an occasional straightforward question are some ways to gather information without being too apparent. Ask her what her ideal date would look like or ask about the worst date she has ever been to. You could also ask, ‘what’s the most romantic way to meet someone?’

Or turn the tables on her and ask how she would plan a date. That should give you something to work with, right?

If her answers are vague, random, or boring, take it as a sign that she isn’t interested in meeting you. There’s no point in pushing further and making her say no. But if she plays along, you’ve got something exciting to look forward to very soon.

You have to Follow the Basic Etiquette

Just because it’s Tinder and text messages doesn’t mean you’ll respond as and when you can, at your convenience. Your long silence could be misunderstood even if you are genuinely busy.

Tell her that you have a busy day at work and can’t chat until afterward. She will understand. And if she doesn’t, maybe you are better off finding someone else. You don’t want to continue with a girl who can’t realize and understand that you have a life, right?

Okay, that wasn’t an issue. Everything went well, and you guys have agreed to meet up in person. The day where you guys will meet up is a while away. So what do you do until then?

Simple! Keep talking and continue chatting until you meet. Let her know that you do want to meet her but also have to take care of work. And make sure to check with her a day before the date. It’ll act as a reminder and also show that you are indeed excited to meet her.

Final Thoughts

Asking a girl on Tinder what she wants is never easy or simple. You need to be assertive, funny, charming, and trustworthy before she tells you what she exactly wants. Be patient, continue the conversation, and make sure she is comfortable before you ask her out.