This is a comprehensive guide to help you find someone to date when you’re a gamer.
Dating for gamers can be hard since many gamers have psychological traits that are not conducive to finding a partner. They tend to be introverted and logical-minded. The best thing they could do to find a partner is to be more sociable and learn how to appeal to people’s emotions.
This guide will explain how to do this, while also sharing a host of other dating tips that gamers may specifically appreciate.
How to Push Yourself to Meet People When You’re an Introvert
It’s not fair to label all gamers as introverts who are too logical. However, this is a problem that prevents many gamers from finding a date.
As such, this guide will be aimed at people who suffer severely from these problems.
If you consider yourself as a fairly social person who can connect emotionally with others, don’t be patronized. Be pleased that this strategy will likely prove easier for you than it will for other people.
The telltale trait of an introvert is that they become exhausted from socializing. It emotionally drains them. Naturally then, these types of people are more drawn to solitary hobbies like video games, as opposed to team sports or other more social vocations.
The problem is: this can lead to less opportunities to meet someone to date. It can also make you less adept at flirting and communicating with someone you’re attracted to, due to lack of practice.
So, what can these people do?
A commonly spread myth about introverts is that it’s impossible for them to change. It has certainly been proven that introverts are able to cope with mass socializing if they believe it’s in their best interests.
In fact, the more you can get used to putting yourself out there, the easier it can become. Exposure therapy can work wonders – and this is highly recommended if you’re an introvert who is sick and tired of not being able to find a date.
It’s best to start small. Perhaps you’ll promise yourself to talk to five new people at a party. Then, the next day, maybe it’s six or seven.
During these social sessions, it’s important not to judge yourself, nor to put on a fake persona. These actions are emotionally draining in themselves, and will lead to a much faster burnout.
Initially at least, focus on nothing but your goal of meeting new people and declaring that as a massive W when you do it. These tasks can be much easier to complete if you have a friend – or even a dating coach – to help you out.
Once you’re ready, step up the challenge and attempt to also start meeting people you’re attracted to. Again, you should not judge yourself no matter how your attempt to meet them goes. You should not pretend to be someone you’re not, no matter how tempted you are to do so.
Ultimately, once you’re used to doing that, challenge yourself to ask these attractive people if they want to meet you for a date some time. With the momentum you’ve built from the previous sessions, this might not seem as intimidating as it currently does.
Socialising vs Platform Games: A Perfect Analogy
Let’s say you’re playing Super Mario, you try to make a jump, fail and fall down a hole. Waaaa!!
In that moment, you (most likely) feel no sense of shame and no resistance to trying again.
Now, let’s say you’re trying to flirt with someone at a party, you try to make your move, fail and that’s it probably.
Why is it that people are far more ashamed of that? Why do people feel so resistant to trying again with someone new?
The answer is: we tend to attach our dating efforts to our self-worth. We also tend to believe that approaching people and making them like us should be easy!
Yet, there’s no reason to feel this way! Often, when an attractive person rejects your advances, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Most probably, they don’t know anything about you as a person, apart from the few seconds you presented.
In all likelihood, you ‘failed’ at this attempt because of how you attempted it, rather than who you are. So, it’s no different from attempting a jump in Super Mario. The only difference is that attempting to make someone attracted to us can potentially be impossible (if they have a girlfriend or they’re in an awful mood, for example).
So, there’s no reason to let these attempts harm our self-worth, in gaming or in dating.
If anything, you should be proud of yourself for trying, and excited because you see yourself getting closer to your goal with each try.
How To Connect Emotionally With Your Crush
Gaming tends to attract people who are logically-minded. The problem-solving nature of most video games appeals greatly to them.
If you’re a logically-minded person, you’re probably crushing it in some sort of highly analytical career field, like tech, science, or medicine. That’s awesome!
However, a lot of these people don’t understand that a logical mindset usually does nothing to aid your dating life. This is particularly true if you’re a man pursuing a woman.
Let’s make an example of Robert, the computer programmer, who has stimulating intellectual conversations on his dates, but they always fail to lead anywhere. Typically, these women will think that he’s very interesting. They might logically see that he has the traits of a good boyfriend. Yet, they conclude that they didn’t feel a ‘spark’.
Now, let’s look at Shane, the barman. His conversations are not as intellectually fulfilling, but he knows how to make women laugh. He knows how to flirt and tease them in a friendly way. He knows how to talk about completely stupid topics with passion and gusto. He knows how to make women chase his affection. This guy will clean up with women, even though he knows he logically has nothing to offer.
If you’re more of a ‘Robert’ – as gamers tend to be – it’s worth learning how to be more of a ‘Shane’. Women primarily experience attraction emotionally. They won’t give two hoots about what you can logically offer them, unless you know how to spike their emotions.
If you’re already a ‘Shane’ – go ahead and learn how to be more of one. This is far more important than logically stimulating conversations, when it comes to attracting people.
Should Gamers Try Online Dating?
Sure, why the heck not?!
Online dating makes it possible to find a potential partner without having to go out and socialize in the real world.
There are even a host of online dating services that have been created specifically for gamers. If you want your partner to be a gamer also, check out:
- Girl Gamer Dating
- Gaming Passions
These don’t have user bases as large as mainstream dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or OkCupid, but you can guarantee the people you do meet will have a similarly fanatical interest in video games.
However, before you go ahead and create a profile, it’s important to be aware of the main flaws of online dating.
Men should know that the top 80% of attractive women are only competing for the top 20% of attractive guys. So, if you’re not blessed with natural good looks, you could find it hard to match with anyone except bottom-of-the-barrel women. Still, you can learn how to boost your chances of finding an online date with our guide.
The main problem for women is that the top 20% of dudes have so much choice! So, it’s very difficult for them to obtain more than a one-night-stand from these guys. If you’re trying to find a boyfriend online, read our guide for tips on how to do that.
Online dating shouldn’t be seen as a ‘cheat code’ to bypass the hard work of improving your social skills.
You’re still going to need to show off an attractive personality on the date, even if you were able to organize it without face-to-face interaction. As such, dating apps should always be used as a supplement to meeting people in real life, rather than an alternative.
Also, please treat the men and women you communicate with on these apps like real people. There’s a phenomenon of online dating users treating their matches awfully, due to the gamification of romance that these apps have created. You can do your bit to make these apps more pleasant to use by treating people with respect.
Should You Tell Your Date You’re A Gamer?
Some people think it’s necessary to hide a hobby that’s considered nerdy. This is actually a stupid idea.
For starters, this person is surely going to find out what you do with your time eventually – and you want to date someone who likes you for you, right?
But more importantly, it’s completely possible to change someone’s mind about whether an activity is ‘cool’ or not.
If you can learn how to talk about your hobbies and interests with passion, no filters, and no shame, you’ll usually be able to draw other people into your world.
They’ll be able to feel your emotion towards this activity and this will spark their imagination. Enthusiasm is infectious, so you’ll be able to make other people enthusiastic about gaming once you learn how to talk about it shamelessly.
Take a look at some of the most popular YouTube gaming channels. The reason these people attract so many subscribers is because they are so passionate about the games they play. If you can replicate that passion, you can replicate their popularity.
If there’s one way to convince people that gaming is totally lame, it’s by treating it like a shameful secret. There’s no benefit to doing this.
Be proud of who you are – and other people will be able to feel that confidence! This is actually one of the most attractive things you can do around your crush.
For many people, gaming is a form of escapism that helps them forget about real-life problems, such as not being able to land a date.
That’s fine as a form of short-term relief, but just know that these problems are still going to be there when your Call Of Duty session is over.
By putting in the effort to address these problems directly, you’ll be more satisfied with your life in the long run. Your Playstation will still be there once these issues are solved.
Im Joe, and I travel the world working as a dating expert, confidence coach, and writer. I have written articles for the web’s most popular dating advice blogs and published two well-received books on dating and relationships. The Thrill Of The Chase is one of the books i’ve written.