Dating as a therapist can be difficult. Many therapists are keen to find someone on the same page as them when it comes to working on themselves, but this can be tough to find.
The best dating advice I could give a therapist is NOT to lower your standards. It will only frustrate you to date someone who chooses not to work on their mental health. Many therapists choose to date other therapists. Others seek partners at events based on self-improvement.
In this guide, we’ll explore the main dating problems that therapists report, plus some potential solutions to help you find a great partner while dating as a therapist.
Should Therapists Use Online Dating?
Online dating has grown to become the most popular method of meeting a long-term partner.
However, if good levels of emotional intelligence and mental health are crucial to you, this should influence your choice of dating website.
Indeed, this study from the University of Michigan suggests that people who use traditional dating apps are less likely to have a healthy attachment style.
If you relate to the aforementioned problems that therapists experience, I’d recommend you try out dating apps like eHarmony.
EHarmony is recognized as the dating website most likely to help you find your true love. In fact, 70% of eHarmony members find their spouse on the website within a year of creating an account.
This incredible success occurs mostly because eHarmony matches its members based on personality.
Members are obliged to complete a 40-45 minute personality quiz before finishing their registration. The results of this quiz are used to match them with the most compatible partners in their local area.
As a therapist, you’ll most likely understand why most of the questions are being asked and the level of detail that has been put into this quiz. Indeed, the success rate of eHarmony members speaks volumes about how effective this test is.
The algorithm will issue you a compatibility score with each eHarmony member, although you’ll only be given a handful of matches to message each day. This allows you to build meaningful connections with your matches, instead of furiously swiping through face after face and never truly getting to know anyone. Indeed, the high compatibility score and the detailed profiles on eHarmony will do a lot to help you prioritize what really matters; your personality.
Some therapists about being spotted by clients on dating apps with a slimy reputation like Tinder. If you’re one of them, eHarmony is definitely more likely to suit you. It has a global reputation for being a high-quality website for singles seeking true love.
EHarmony is 100% marketed towards people seeking serious relationships. It is impossible to message other members with a free account, and the high price point of the paid subscription tends to filter out people who aren’t ready to take their hunt for true love seriously.
Most likely, the impressive response rate you can expect from eHarmony is partly due to members wanting to make the most of their investment.
You can learn more about the benefits of eHarmony in my extensive guide titled: Does EHarmony really work?
Why Therapists Struggle To Date
Many therapists have enjoyed healthy dating lives and are in great relationships.
However, there are a lot of accounts online from therapists whose career path has led them to dating struggles.
These accounts usually mention how difficult it is to find someone suitable for them.
Often, they’ll mention how quickly they can spot red flags in someone’s personality.
Other times, they lament about struggling to accept a partner who refuses to work on their mental health.
Can you relate to this?
This would make sense when you consider the ambitions and training that led you to a career as a therapist.
It’s as if you’ve taken the ‘red pill’ from Morpheus. You see people as they really are, which is good in the long run, but tends to make life more stressful in the short-term.
So, what’s the solution?
Perhaps you’ve tried to accept your romantic partners as they are, just as you’re trained to do for your clients. Maybe you’ve attempted to show the patience and understanding that is crucial to success in your career. But it just doesn’t work in your romantic life.
That’s completely NORMAL.
After all, you will naturally be a lot more invested in a romantic partner. Their flaws will have a direct impact on your day-to-day happiness. You could be looking for someone to be a great role model for your children.
So, you shouldn’t drop your standards and accept your partner for not having qualities that are very important to you.
The solution is to be smarter about your dating search. Look for partners in places where emotionally intelligent people are likely to be.
Should You Date Another Therapist?
If you’re struggling with the problems listed above, it would make perfect sense to date another therapist.
A therapist – or anyone else in the mental health field – will understand your desire to date an emotionally intelligent partner who is always working on themselves.
More importantly, they’re more likely to be that emotionally intelligent partner.
You can expect another therapist to:
- be a great listener;
- be honest about their feelings;
- handle disagreements in an intelligent and non-aggressive manner;
- be emotionally resilient;
- be empathetic and sensitive to your needs;
- not expect you to analyze them, their friends or their family.
In so many ways, they could be exactly what you’re looking for.
The only huge problem with dating a therapist is that you’re limiting yourself to a tiny dating pool if they’re the only people you’d consider being with.
Where Can I Find Emotionally Intelligent People To Date?
It’s reasonably straightforward advice, which you may have led clients towards in the past.
But, here it comes…
If you want to date someone with a certain quality, go where those people are.
So, where are emotionally intelligent people most likely to hang out?
Events based on self-improvement are a great shout.
Yoga or Reiki classes are often filled with people looking to improve their mental health.
You’d imagine everyone at the gym is somewhat interested in self-improvement. In fact, you could meet someone anywhere where people are looking to learn a skill.
These are certainly better places to meet emotionally intelligent individuals than a nightclub at 2am or on hook-up apps like Tinder.
- If you’re a female therapist, I’d like to recommend Suzanne Venker’s book ‘Women Who Win At Love’. This is packed with essential tips for becoming the woman your dream man wants. Many of these are regarded as somewhat controversial by mainstream society, but that doesn’t make them any less true.
- If you’re a male therapist, you’re likely to appreciate Mark Manson’s book ‘Models’. This book explains how to attract amazing women through honesty and authenticity. It’s one of the most coveted men’s dating advice books of all time.
I hope this guide correctly identified your struggles with dating as a therapist and that the solutions presented were helpful.
It’s always worth doing some self-analysis when you’re struggling to find a partner too. Are you behaving in a way that puts off potential partners? Are you using your occupation as an excuse to hide your perfectionism? What can you do to appear more attractive to your dream partner? These are all great questions to ask yourself.
The path to true love never did run smooth, but hopefully these tips will get you moving faster along the right path.
Im Joe, and I travel the world working as a dating expert, confidence coach, and writer. I have written articles for the web’s most popular dating advice blogs and published two well-received books on dating and relationships. The Thrill Of The Chase is one of the books i’ve written.