Do you struggle to connect with great people on dating apps? Do you want to know the truth about whether dating apps are worth your time?
Yes, dating apps are worth it. In fact, online dating has become the most common method for men and women to meet a serious partner and plenty are finding casual relationships too. If you’re struggling with online dating, it’s most probably because you’re doing something wrong.
Men often create profiles that put off women, while both sexes are prone to using the wrong app for their romantic desires. In this guide, we’ll explore the biggest criticisms of online dating, the success rates and where people go wrong with dating apps, while also exploring some of the best dating apps available in the present day.
Are Dating Apps Actually Worth It?
It is understandable that some confusion remains as far as whether dating apps are worth your time…
On one hand, there are studies that suggest online dating is the most popular medium for meeting a romantic partner. A 2019 poll by wedding planning service The Knot found that 22% of engaged couples met online, making it more popular than meeting at work, school or through mutual friends.
However, there are other studies which suggest only a small proportion of men are finding success online – and many of these are refusing to settle down with one woman because they have such an abundance of options on these apps.
A study of Tinder and OKCupid swipes suggests that the top 78% of attractive women are only interested in meeting the top 20% of attractive men. Meanwhile, this study measured the GINI coefficient (the difference between the haves and have-nots) of Tinder and found that it had a bigger disparity than 95% of the world’s economies.
So, there’s data that backs up both arguments.
However, it can’t be argued that a lot of people are finding great success with online dating – and since dating apps are generally regarded to require less effort than meeting a partner in real-life – you’d imagine most of these people would say it’s “worth it”.
Where People Go Wrong With Dating Apps
Most of those who argue against dating apps being “worth it” probably aren’t getting the results they desire – and it’s probably fair to say that most of these people would change their mind about online dating if they could find a way to improve their results.
In my role as a dating coach, I’ve personally helped plenty of men transform their online dating success from attracting barely any matches to landing a healthy amount of dates. This mostly involves improving your photos, which can be done simply by hiring a professional photographer who specializes in online dating photos. There are plenty of them out there these days. Of course, it’s up to you to decide whether the time and expense of attending a photoshoot is “worth it” when it comes to improving your chances at attracting women online. This should do A LOT to help you stand out. Most guys are so lazy/clueless with their online dating photos that a professional shoot could easily catapult you into that top 20% of men who actually match with attractive women.
When it comes to messaging women on dating apps, I always recommend men read Ice White’s book ‘The Message Game’. This is the only book I needed to skyrocket the amount of matches I convert into dates.
But what about women? Their problem isn’t that they can’t find anyone to date them. Even plain-looking women who put no effort into their photos will usually be overwhelmed with options on most dating apps. Their problem is they barely ever choose the men that want to commit to them. This problem could mostly be fixed if women were smarter about their choice of dating app – and we’ll explore what I mean by that in more detail shortly.
How To Choose The Right Dating App For You
Most of the world’s popular dating apps don’t state whether they’re for people seeking casual one-off relationships or something more serious. These mainstream apps want to appeal to as many people as possible, so they don’t niche themselves this way. Inevitably then, these apps attract both extremes. This leads to a lot of wasted time when someone seeking something casual connects with a match seeking monogamy.
The singles looking for everlasting love on these mainstream apps are somewhat foolish though, because they’re mostly designed to suit people looking for a short-term fling rather than their ideal life partner. Most mainstream apps now utilize the ‘swiping’ system, where users are encouraged to decide upon other singles one-by-one by swiping right for ‘Yes’ and left for ‘No’. Typically, two users can only message each other if they both swipe right, while they won’t be alerted if they’re swiped left upon.
This fast-and-furious swiping system encourages super-speedy decision-making, usually based on nothing but one’s appearance in their first few photos. Men would swipe right on more or less every other girl (46% on Tinder supposedly) Meanwhile, women with so many interested men to choose from, would eventually learn to only swipe on the most attractive guys. It’s accentuated by the fact that a huge majority of mainstream dating app users are men (75% on Tinder, for example). Mainstream dating apps cater further to casual relationship-seekers by offering free memberships. This low barrier to entry is part of the reason why so many time-wasters create profiles on these apps too.
Here Are The Dating Apps I Recommend If You’re Looking For Real Love
Tinder probably is the best dating app to use for those looking for a short-term fling, if only because it has the biggest user base in most parts of the world, therefore increasing the odds of being seen by someone who is attracted to you.
However, if you’re looking for your happily ever after, I’d recommend you use dating apps that are structured entirely differently.
EHarmony is one of the oldest online dating services, having launched way back in the early 2000s. This is one of the websites, which dares to label itself as only being for singles seeking serious relationships.
There’s plenty of data to suggest it’s the most effective dating website for these people too. According to eHarmony’s own statistics, some 70% of its users find their spouse on the website within a year of signing up to a premium membership. That’s incredible odds. Imagine being told you’re more likely than not to find your spouse in the next 12 months! Indeed, eHarmony is supposedly now responsible for 4% of weddings in the United States, more than any other dating website.
The main reason why EHarmony is the best at coupling up long-term partners is its super-intelligent algorithm and its unique matching system. Before completing their registration, users are made to fill out a 40-45 minute personality test, detailing every element of who they are and what they’re looking for. The results of these tests are then used to find the eHarmony users in your region who are most compatible with your personality.
You’ll be given a compatibility score out of 100 with each eHarmony member, which appears prominently in their profile preview. But, crucially, you’ll only be given a handful of the most compatible matches to message each day. There’s no swiping. There’s no choosing who to connect with based solely on their appearance. Instead, you’re given more time to create meaningful conversations with the singles you’re most likely to actually get on with. The end result is: your message to your perfect match isn’t lost in a sea of other options. Hopefully intrigued by your high compatibility score, they’ll usually spot your message and feel compelled to learn more about you.
The price of an EHarmony subscription plays a role in its effectiveness too. You can’t message people if you have a free account, and the paid account is one of the more expensive online dating subscriptions. Still, that prices out the time-wasters and those who aren’t serious about finding real love, leaving only those who are actively seeking their happily ever after. Indeed, eHarmony users do tend to be highly active on the website, probably because they want to see a return on their financial investment in this website.
There will still be plenty of potential love matches to choose from though. EHarmony has roughly 10 million active users across the world, with a near enough 50/50 gender split. Indeed, it would appear that millions of people deem it worth spending a few hundred bucks for a 70% chance at finding your soulmate.
If your ideal partner simply has to have a certain attribute, niche dating websites are arguably the way to go.
These websites are aimed specifically at one demographic of people and those who like to date them. They don’t attract as many users as the mainstream apps that try to appeal to everyone, but the plus-side is that there’s less competition and you’re more likely to be compatible with the people using the website.
One attribute often considered a deal-breaker for a partner is their religion. Many religious singles will often only consider dating someone who shares the same faith as them.
Christian Mingle is one of the largest religion-based dating websites and has helped to create countless Christian couples.
As well as the swiping system, it allows users to look for suitable matches using its search engine. You can add filters to this search to find the perfect partner for you, based on attributes like their age, their faith and various aspects of their lifestyle.
Christian Mingle can only be used if you sign up for a paid subscription. Seeing as intimacy outside of wedlock is frowned upon in most religions, you can expect that most users of religion-based dating websites are searching for something serious.
This website isn’t specifically for serious relationships only, but it’s one of the most popular that utilizes its own search engine.
You’ll have to sign up to a monthly subscription to message other singles on this website.
It also has its own brand of niche websites, including Silver Singles (for over-50s).
Dating apps are “worth it” once you know how to choose them and how to use them properly. You’ve been given all the instructions you need in this article.
It will require a bit of effort on your part to succeed, but the juice is surely worth the squeeze.
So, all that’s left for you to do is to apply the tactics laid out for you in this guide. Best of luck!
Im Joe, and I travel the world working as a dating expert, confidence coach, and writer. I have written articles for the web’s most popular dating advice blogs and published two well-received books on dating and relationships. The Thrill Of The Chase is one of the books i’ve written.