If you’re struggling to be confident around your girlfriend, this is the guide for you.
The key to being confident around your girlfriend is to realize you are more than good enough for this woman. If you can’t see this yet, take a closer look at your own personal strengths, the compliments your girlfriend gives you, and the things you do for her.
At times, it can be easier said than done to believe in yourself. In this guide, you’ll find a list of exercises and truths about female psychology that will help you gain some much-needed self-belief.
The Main Reason Men Aren’t Confident Around Their Girlfriends
The main reason men aren’t confident around their girlfriend is because they don’t believe they’re good enough for her.
It’s reasonably common for men to believe they ‘got lucky’ with their girl, and that they’d never be able to find anyone as good as her if she left.
Often, these guys worry about her leaving if they were to do anything stupid. Some worry so much that they carefully monitor and filter their own behavior when their girlfriend is around. Others become overwhelmed with jealousy whenever she’s seemingly enjoying the company of another man. A select few will deal with this jealousy by aggressively trying to control their girlfriend’s behavior. Needless to say, these behaviors are the antithesis of confidence in your relationship.
The thing is: society is fiercely pushing this feminist narrative that great men are ‘lucky’ to be with average women.
Women are constantly being told that they’re strong and brave, no matter what they’ve achieved in life. Meanwhile, the narrative for men is that they have to be strong, ripped, rich and successful or they are ‘trash’. (Men are also consistently shamed on social media for not wanting to date fat women, trans women, or for having any romantic standards at all).
Husbands are commonly made to look like putzes in romantic comedies, while the woman is always the hero that keeps the family together.
Then, there’s the fact that the dating market is now globalized. Women can talk to hundreds of high-value guys from all over the world on dating apps and social media now. To land a girlfriend, it might feel like you have to compete with all of them.
It’s enough to make most dudes unconfident, even if they do land a girlfriend.
And it’s not as if your woman will ever truly leave the dating market, even when you do tie her down.
A beautiful woman will always experience men trying to shoot their shot when she’s at the bar, in her Instagram DMs, and (frankly) whenever her partner isn’t around.
And not just one or two dudes either. Ask to see any half-decent-looking woman’s Instagram DMs and you’ll see a monsoon of thirsty dudes trying to get in touch.
So, there are plenty of reasons for men to be unconfident…if they don’t believe they’re good enough for their girlfriend.
But there is no reason for them to believe that in the first place.
How To Be More Confident Around Your Girlfriend
If you’re one of those dudes who managed to land a beautiful girlfriend but still can’t believe how you managed it, there’s not much you can do to become more confident around her.
It is possible to learn the behaviors of confident guys and mimic them, even if you don’t believe in yourself, but most people are going to see through this eventually.
A better strategy is to look inwards and realize why you are already good enough for your girlfriend.
Here are some exercises to try.
Write A List Of 50 Reasons Why You’re Awesome
Grab a pen and paper and jot down 50 of your strengths.
These can be physical attributes, attractive parts of your personality, impressive achievements, or even things about yourself that you’re actively improving. Get a friend to help you if you’re struggling.
Yes, 50 is a lot. It’s supposed to be a lot, because of the idea that you feel accomplished after you finish. That’s 50 whole reasons why a girl might choose to spend time with you.
Don’t worry if someone else is better at that thing. There will always be someone better. That doesn’t matter! If you consider yourself good (or actively improving), write it down and feel proud about it.
Write A List Of Compliments That Your Girlfriend Has Given You
A lot of unconfident guys don’t let compliments register, or they brush them off as mere politeness.
This exercise will help you to let your girlfriend’s compliments land. During this time, take some time to sit with each compliment. She meant it, bro! Otherwise she wouldn’t have said it. This should be an ongoing project, so maybe keep this list handy in the ‘Notes’ app on your phone.
If your girlfriend isn’t giving you a lot of compliments, that doesn’t mean she hates you! Some girls have their own insecurities about this sort of thing. Feel free to add compliments you’ve received from other girls if this is the case.
Write ‘She Chose You’
Ultimately, this is the only thing that matters.
She didn’t have to choose you. Girls are rejecting guys all the time. It’s not that she had no one else to pick.
Your behavior inspired her to want to commit to you. If you keep behaving that way or (even better) level up in life, that’s unlikely to change.
Hang Out With More Girls
The more girls you hang out with, the more confident you’re going to be around girls in general.
Of course, don’t neglect your girlfriend to spend time with other women, and don’t disrespect the boundaries of your relationship, but it can solve a lot of man’s romantic insecurities when he knows that women generally like him.
Honestly, it’s best that you’re dating and sleeping with a lot of girls before you choose one to be your girlfriend.
This makes it easier to choose a girlfriend that you really like, because you’re more experienced with the opposite sex and you’re choosing from a large sample.
Indeed, most of the men who aren’t confident around the girlfriend are dudes who picked the first woman who would have them.
Treat Her Like A Princess
It’s true that spoiling a woman, supplicating and treating her like a princess is bad when you’re still pursuing her.
In fact, men and women around the world are openly mocking men who do this, labeling them as ‘simps’.
However, when you’re an official monogamous couple, most girls will adore it if you ‘simp’ over them.
The caveat here is: you do this from a place of strength. You do it because you want to, not because you’re scared of leaving her.
When you treat your girlfriend better than anyone else, it’s easier to be confident about her never wanting to leave you.
What Happens When You’re More Confident Around Your Girlfriend
When a man is truly confident around his girlfriend, he’s never seeking her rapport. He knows it’s there. He’s unfiltered in his words and actions. He feels free to have fun, be silly and share his deepest thoughts without fear of judgment.
This is what women mean when they tell men to be themselves.
When a confident man buys his woman a gift or does her a favor, it’s not to make her like him, but to show how much he likes her.
You probably already have best friends or family members who you’re that confident around. Well, that’s what you should be aiming for with your partner, if you’re not there already.
When you reach this level of connection and begin to build great memories together, she’ll develop the same level of confidence around you. And, at that point, something will happen inside this woman’s mind.
She will truly only develop eyes for you.
There could be another guy that’s richer, stronger, and better-looking who wants her, but she won’t even consider leaving your side. Because nothing can replace the emotional connection that you two have.
Women primarily experience attraction emotionally, not logically. The way you make her feel is the most important thing to her. And no man will be able to replicate the way you two make each other feel, once you have this connection locked in.
However, the fact that female attraction is emotional can work against you too.
If – for whatever reason – your confidence drops in the middle of your relationship, her attraction for you will plummet so rapidly.
You could have got married, had children, and built a life together. But, if you don’t make her feel those emotional tingles, she’ll often be willing to throw all that away for someone who does. It’s probably best to start trying those confidence-building exercises pretty quickly then.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If a woman is immature, emotionally damaged, she might be stupid enough to leave a fantastic confident man.
But, hopefully you’re smart enough not to choose a woman like that.
I’ve Been Cheated On, And Now I’m Insecure About Relationships
You picked an immature, emotionally damaged girl before? That sucks…
When something traumatic happens, it’s common to become irrationally afraid of it happening again.
But, just because one bad woman cheated on you, it doesn’t mean your new partner will.
As hard as it can be, you must try not to bring emotional baggage from your last relationship into your new one. Process these emotions before you jump into a new relationship. They’re completely different people, and she doesn’t deserve to have to deal with your trauma.
Ironically, when you act jealous and insecure about her leaving you for another guy, you turn her off to the point that you make her more likely to do that.
It’s commonly said that you should learn to love yourself before you love anyone else. That’s incredibly wise advice. If you follow it, you’ll most likely never be in a situation where you don’t feel confident around your girlfriend.
Still, if you don’t feel that way, it’s not too late to learn ‘on the job’.
The exercises and advice in this guide should help you gain the self-confidence that’ll make this woman love you forever.
Im Joe, and I travel the world working as a dating expert, confidence coach, and writer. I have written articles for the web’s most popular dating advice blogs and published two well-received books on dating and relationships. The Thrill Of The Chase is one of the books i’ve written.